Readers?
I want to add something.
I've had this blog for a few months, and have yet to tell my real life friends about it. I have linked to some of their blogs, so they may have found me out. I may or may not share this blog. Every single motherfucking day I put on a brave face. The baby doesn't see me cry (*unless the fire alarm in her room breaks and I feel very stressed out), and my friends don't see me cry. I don't cry on people's shoulders. Not like I have that many people to cry on here, now that I've moved. I don't want them to know how sad and pathetic I am. I am trying to move on. I love my friends, and they have kept me going during this. Only one or two of them know how low I have gotten. I don't want to burden the rest. One of my biggest supporters is fighting stage 2 breast cancer. While working full time, and living alone in a new city. And I cry about R? Absurd. I'm not sure I can share this part of myself with my friends who know me in real life. I don't want them to know and I don't want to burden them. We'll see. Maybe my vanity and desire to self-expose will win out. Who knows? Maybe when I have some sort of triumphant return, I will someday share these sad entries.
Anyhow, I wanted to say thank you to my 5 subscribers, and commenters. Shan, Carmen, and others, I really appreciate your comments. Thanks for stopping by. I don't have much happiness in my life these days, and the small kindness of reading a stranger's words means something to me. I know you two and others are moms, and our time is especially precious.
Thank you.
Well, I made it here! (Those pesky links!) You know how I feel about the crap you're going through, so I won't say it again. I will say, though, that I really like reading your blog - the funny bits make me laugh and the photos make me go "awwww" and the sad bits make me cry, and all of it sounds like you.
ReplyDeleteI think that most people our age know (or they WILL) that all of us find ourselves in a shitty situation, desperately sad and afraid, at some point. And I think that most people can get past the initial smug tingle of "Phew, I'm glad that isn't happening to ME right now!" in a heartbeat and move right on to just being there for you, and for your girl.
So I encourage you to tell your "real-life" friends (though your non-"real-life" friends seem kind of awesome and definitely real)about your blog, and/or about how sad you feel.
Also, hi! Please keep posting!
Hi back! I'm touched you're here. I don't know how I would have made it through the past year without you. I know sometimes people say things like that for emphasis, but in this case I mean it. Reading your messages, getting your really valuable advice, care packages... I probably owe you my remaining sanity. Don't laugh too hard. I mean it!
ReplyDeleteAnd maybe I will. Tell people.
Hugs, J.
ReplyDelete