Summer and Sundry

I was feeling verbally constipated, until I realized that my "all important" words only matter to me, ultimately. I can bluster and bitch, but I'm the only one who lives these words. And I'm not ashamed. I am doing the best I can, and I feel like I'm even learning to occasionally choose the easy path over the moral highroad.

That's a funny lesson to learn, right? Occasionally, I think I make things harder for myself than need be. I want to be as kind, and moral as possible. But goddamn, sometimes even I need a break. And that's ok. I want to be moral, but I also want to be happy.

It's been a busy spring and summer. Little Gumball and I took our first trip alone. Needless to say, our second flight, alone, together, was canceled. We hung out in an airport for 10 hours. More or less. Gumball was a champion. Patient, happy, and adorable. People stopped me to tell me how wonderfully behaved she was. We arrived in Raleigh at 8pm, went out to dinner, and traveled to Duck, Outer Banks. We had an amazing week of beach, wild horses, delicious food, and dolphins. Gumball was an amazing travel companion. And I got to do karaoke for the first time. I sang "Like a Prayer" and it was amazing.

And if I can ever figure out how to join Google Plus, without using my real name, I'll upload the video.

I also got to spend 2 days with my former stepsons. I was overjoyed to see them, and Gumball was enchanted with her half brothers. No one made a big deal about their relationship, or the past. I didn't want to cause the boys one second of discomfort, and I wanted everything to be light and fun. I felt my heart soar, break, and then rebreak when I saw them. I was incredibly happy to get to spend time with them. And incredibly sad to know that I may never get the chance to see them again. Honestly, it's too painful for me to think about, or write about. I miss those boys so much. Letting them go, again, made me feel approximately 500 years old. And there's nothing I can do about it. 

Then we came home, played with our friends, and went on a trip to Santa's Village with some of our best girls. We played on rides, splashed in the water, and refused to sit with Santa. The grownup girls enjoyed wine and cheese in the parking lot every night. It was a terrific trip, and the White Mountains of NH are just spectacular.

And it's summer. The condo association opened a pool. Warm weather is glorious. We're happy and healthy, and Gumball is doing well with her potty training.

Life is good. 

Dates 3 and 4

I'm happy. And giddy.

Dates three and four were wonderful. I'm so attracted to this woman, it's ridiculous. She is sweet to me, and thoughtful. We talk and laugh together. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to planning out our entire life together. Because I'm cool like that. Planning our lives together does indeed freak me out, but when I take it day by day, I am really enjoying myself. It's funny though. When I think about not having more biological children, being with a woman forever, and all the crazy ways I plan ridiculously far into the future- I feel crazy (because I am!) and terrified. But when I see how she calls, and texts, and buys me flowers, and makes me feel special, and appreciated... I feel happy and excited to see all the future holds.

Signs of an Eminent Apocalypse

Something's kind of fishy around here.

I'm not at all sure what happened, but maybe the Mayans were on the right track. Is the end nigh? The following suspicious activities occurred:

1. (With help) I reorganized my closet.

2. Gumball took a 3 hour and 15 minute nap today.

3. I went on an amazing date last night. With the owner of the hilarious, clever profile. And it was wonderful. We had a beer, ate some fried mushrooms, talked, flirted, and kissed. I'm looking forward to seeing him again.

Signed
- Happily waiting for the damn asteroid

Good and Bad

Today was Gumball's first birthday party. Not her actual first birthday, but close enough. It was a wonderful event. I invited friends and family, and rented a small pavilion in a local park with a pool. A good friend and her son came up from Massachusetts, and we all enjoyed pizza, sodas and cake- and a beautiful day. I was so happy to be able to share the day with my family and friends, and I was especially touched that Gumball's paternal grandparents and great aunt drove 3 hours to attend. And my aunt also drove almost 2 hours to be here. After so many disappointments, it made me so happy to see so much love being showered upon my little sprout.

My friend O made the cake. And lots of mini cupcakes. She is amazing.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Her name. Its not a big secret, I just don't want it to be google-able.

The baby was nervous at first, but then quickly warmed to her new family. I love them, and it means the world to me that they shared this day with us.

Great Aunt D

Grandma K and Grandpa R

As always, Gumball loved spending time with her Nana. I think she's trying to say "nananananana" even.

Aunt C (my dad's sister) and Nana

Little Miss Barfs-a-Lot WOLFED down an entire mini cupcake, like Ms. PacMan

Baby was also thrilled to see her nanny, T. I am so lucky to have found this remarkable and kind woman who is proud of Gumball's accomplishments and who cares about when she poops and what she eats.

Sweet, little Gumball was happy to spend time with mama too.

Note: "trendy" feathers in my hair. Kate Gosslin-like, or actually cool? I think I'm too old to know.

Opening presents

It was also lovely seeing my friend A, and her son. Gumball loved having a young, mobile playmate.

Super happy to have a friend catching a ride

Totally capable of managing two... ha!

   Then I came home and found out that my Massachusetts house, the one I am trying desperately to sell (and selling at a huge loss) had been broken in to and all the copper pipe removed. When I spoke with the police, they told me that for having caused tens of thousands of dollars of damage, the thieves would only get $50 for the pipes. I hope they choke on it. And, when they broke in, they used the toilet and didn't flush. Nice, right? Sometimes it seems like I am cursed.