Photos

I just started working on my second photo album for the baby. Its about half done. She's not yet 9 months old. And I've documented approximately 300 good photos worth of her experiences. Which is, ahem, more days than she's been living. Yup. This doesn't come close to the thousands of photos I didn't print, or the countless (close to 90) videos I've uploaded to our youtube channel.

At first, I took photos because I wanted to document Gumball's happy infancy. I was heartbroken and defeated, but I wanted to make it seem like we were having nonstop fun. Now I'm just obsessed with how adorable she is. I can't stop. Every moment with her seems so precious, and fleeting. Its just so weird to me. I long for a break. I imagine a night in a hotel, alone, watching tv and eating take out and mostly just sleeping for hours and hours and not worrying. But even now, in the precious few hours while she sleeps, I miss her. I never imagined how I could love someone so much, and at the same time, be so utterly exhausted. Long with every fiber for a break, but miss her in the moments we're apart. She is the most special and unique person I've ever experienced. Funny, and brave, and determined. Intense yet delicate. I love her so much.

Just Another Effing Growth Experience

A long time ago, in a land far, far away (no, really- I'm talking about Bolivia), a good friend of mine told me that hard times in life are "just another fucking growth experience." I'm still waiting for the effing growth to stop. Both literally and figuratively. My pre-pregnancy jeans don't fit the same way anymore, and I'm waiting for this hellacious period of personal growth to subside. The growing pains have been quite intense.

Nevertheless, here I am, starting a blog. I've never had less to say, or more.

So, let's establish a few ground rules.  I promise to not write exclusively about the baby. I will write mostly about the baby, but not entirely. I will keep this up-to-date. Mostly. As much as a single mom can. I won't complain too much, but I will be truthful.

In case you haven't tuned in lately, there have been some major changes in my life. I got married, I got pregnant (yes, in that order,) I discovered that the person I thought was my soul mate wasn't, I became a single mom, I survived. I continue to survive. I don't always feel like it, but I keep on keeping on, for the little 18 pound lady who rules my life with an iron fist, and who gives me a reason to keep on trying. Maybe someday I will get it right.

I'm going to take a cue from a friend who blogs, and not mention the sweet baby's real name. She has 100's of nicknames, from: chicken legs, rat baby, gumball and goober. I figure she can start her own blog when she wants to, but I will try to preserve some of her privacy. She is the best thing in the world. At 8 months, she has such an intense personality, it amazes me. I had no idea babies were like little adults. She adores the cat, Pumpkin. She cries when people laugh loudly. She practices new skills relentlessly. Now it's clapping. I say "good job!" and she claps and smiles. She studies her toys and either pats them or shakes them. Little ratbaby is totally into percussion. 

Being a mom has been a crazy trip so far.

Not to elicit any "Baby Boom" comparisons (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092605/) but another reason I wanted to write this journal is to share the recipes for the amazing baby food I've been creating. Making baby food isn't something I had thought about doing, but as it turns out, I really enjoy it. Gumball has different ideas about the food I make, but tough. Mama knows best.