All the (not so) Juicy Details

Reflecting on my two marriages and romantic life in general has caused me to wonder: am I ever going to have sex again?

If reading about my (boring) thoughts and concerns about sex is officially TMI, please skip this entry. Truthfully, I'm not going to share anything particularly lurid. I'm shy. Then again, after years of working providing STD counseling and partner services, my idea of "particularly lurid" might not be the same as yours. Probably not. That said' I'm going to be brief and chaste. Someday Gumball will be able to read, and the last thing I want her to be subjected to is the idea of her Mama having a sex life. (Believe me, Gumball, Mama never had sex.)

I miss having a loving, warm, physical relationship. I was so sick, and then so huge and heavy and gross that I really didn't feel that sexual while pregnant. Consequently, I think it has been approximately one year and nine months. And this dry spell has absolutely no end in sight. I'm someone's MOM now. How could I possibly date? I can't even imagine the logistics of it. Not to mention that this situation has left me feeling old and bitter. Old, bitter, and with not much to bring to a relationship. I know now isn't the time. A friend's therapist told her to expect to mourn for one month for each year she was together with her soon-to-be ex-husband. I've been mourning for a year and still am not done yet. Definitely not ready to start thinking about a new relationship yet. Which brings me back to the question- when will I have sex again? Probably not for a very long time. In fact, by the time I have sex again, it will have probably changed in such fundamental ways that I will no longer know what I'm doing. Geez.

I really miss it though.