I say "dating" bc no actual dates have yet to occur. It's very confusing to me. There have been 5 or 6 people who've written me, asked me out, given me personal email addresses, or phone numbers, or whatever- only to drop off the face of the earth. I just don't get it. How could a fat, out of shape, stay at home mom to a toddler NOT be hot fucking shit in the dating world? Geez.
I just got yet another phone number though. I have a wicked crush on this guy's online dating profile. It's probably nothing. In fact, he'll certainly blow me off as soon as I write this. Oh well. Let me share some of his profile.
This is how he describes himself:
I garb myself in
clothing that denotes me as trendy, cool and independent. My car indicates to
the casual observer that I'm socially cognizant, yet tasteful. My degree
reminds me that I am certified by the appropriate authorities as educated. I
read weighty books in public so that passersby will think me cerebral. I
surround myself with the accouterments our society demands of us to define
ourselves. I have spent much time researching what the trend-setters, the
intelligencia and the marketers have anointed as self-image short-cuts. I have
taken great pains and spent much money to use these marketing gimmicks and
intellectual code words to craft the persona I wish the world to perceive. Only
to be forced to fit this carefully postured facade and orgy of self-absorption
into a few short sentences? I think not.
Dear reader, do you now lust after his online dating profile too? This is what he says he's really good at:
Boasting about how I'm really good at things at which I'm marginally above average at best. And I heard that you're really good at that too--Props.
Being a ray of fucking sunshine.
Squeee!!!!
And this one last little bit:
And... How exactly
does one "set fire to the rain"? What the fuck is she talking about?
Where do they get they get these lyrics, high school freshmen?
OMG. If I could do dirty things to this profile, I totally would. Sadly, just like every other online dating profile, there's probably a broken, sad, guy, who's not ready to date bc he's still living with his wife. Or his mom. Whatever.
Wahhhhh!
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