Some days, I am starting to feel hopeful. I have friends in my new life, my sweet, loving, smart baby gets to see people who love her every day, especially her nana. I have a beautiful condo, that is clean and comfortable and in good shape. Unlike my Massachusetts home (please, please god let the motherfucker sell ASAP) which was always breaking. In the almost ten years I lived there, the following broke/needed to be replaced: the carpeting, the windows, the hot water heater, the furnace, the central air, the gutters, the roof, the stone retaining wall, and the toilets. Yup. Imagine each of those things breaking, one after the other. Great place to live. Now. The new place is airtight, and while the gas furnace has broken, and an outlet burned out- that's it. And best of all, the only memories I have in this new place, are of me and Gumball and our loved ones. I don't uncover my ex-stepsons' toys, or my ex's stuff. Nothing comes in the mail unless it is addressed to me.
Then there are other days. Sundays, usually. Like today. When I feel like my friends are busy having family time, which they are, and I feel alone. Some days I am filled with hope and dreams. And other days, like today, it feels like my life is an endless progression of lonely days. Empty and unfulfilled. I love Gumball without question or end, but on a day like today, I feel just profoundly alone.
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