What She Ate

I can't remember a lot of things: hard and fast rules of capitalization, birthdays, epidemiology, what I was going to say next... but I do remember what I ate. I have a semi-photographic memory for what I ate. I remember the night after my first wedding/engagement party, we went to an Italian restaurant, and I had this steak with paté, cheese and tomato sauce on it. At the wedding/engagement party, I ate meatballs. This was in 2000. I remember what I ate when I turned 20. Olive Garden, cannolini. I guess I remember meals associated with special events. When I turned 35, R and I went out to dinner with some of my closest friends, D and L. We went to my favorite fancy restaurant: L'espalier. We did a tasting meal, and I didn't like anything. The foam tasted like beer. I was pregnant, and I didn't know it. Food was gross for a good 6 months.

Last night, I had a very sad dream about R. I dreamed I went to see him, and he ignored me. He and his_ whatever she is_ ignored me, and laughed at it. I was so sad when I woke up. I miss him. We could have been so happy together.

At breakfast, I had a piece and a half of cheese toast: gruyere on multigrain. Gumball had 1/2 a piece. Then mom came over. Gumball was delighted. We went to a local harvest festival. Lots of lawn sales and people with dogs. I've never seen so many dogs at an outing. Gumball is in love with dogs these days. Whenever she sees one, she goes "OG!!! Uff uff uff." She said that about 100 times today. Except when she was demanding I give her a felt ball. Then she said "DAAAAAAAAH!!!!" I bought the ball immediately, and nana was able to hide it before Gumball dropped it, or gave it to an Og. And I bought her something else, something totally awesome. I am so excited! I got her this: OMG OMG THIS THIS!!!!! It was $35. It's not identical to this- it has plastic mane, and no motion activated sounds. Thank goodness. I am overjoyed. I wish I could ride it. I ate a piece of spanikopita. It was so-so.

Then we came home, and we napped. And when we woke, we went to E & P's house. Their son, L, is just a month older than Gumball. Our other friends were there already. I brought hamburger, cheese, bread and cupcakes. We had a lovely dinner. I am so lucky to know these people. Everyday, when I am not alone, when Gumball and I laugh and talk and spend time with friends and my mom, I am so grateful. I am anxious about winter coming, scared that this winter will be a repeat of last. I know that is improbable. I am not going to be alone, every day, depressed, terrified, exhausted, insane. I am not going to lose 40 lbs in 2 months, and cry daily. I wish I could lose the 40 lbs though. I am not going to cry daily. Just when I watch any TV that has anything to do with babies. I have friends with babies here, and my mom, and I am going to be happy again. Today was a wonderful start.