One Last Thing

I just want to say one last thing. One last thing... bc I have to get in the last word, even if I'm the only one talking. Or writing. Whatever.

And that is because this whole thing, you know, being left without one freaking word- has totally made me doubt my perception of reality. I don't know as much as I used to, and I don't trust myself. But there are a few things I do believe still. I really loved R. I still love him. I hate that. I know this is true because even now I pity him. I feel sad that he will never fulfill his dreams. He will never go to school, never know a job beyond being a truck driver, which he hates. He will never go to Alaska. He'll never take his kids to Disney World. He'll never be in a chess club, or play in tournaments again. He'll never do, or be, most of the things he wanted. And it hurts me to think of that. I really only ever wanted the best for him. My controlling, over-involved version of "the best," its true. Breaks my heart.

And now, for real, I am done.