Out with the Old, in with 2012

I am _very_ tired of having to go upstairs multiple times after putting Gumball to bed, just to make sure she hasn't pooped herself. She won't cry if she has, she'll just sit there and play, in the dark, for an inordinate amount of time. Tonight she played for 35 minutes, I went up to check, and she was fine. Clean. I reminded her to go to sleep. Grrr...

But now, when I say, "night night, Gumball," she says "night night, Mama." It is incredibly sweet. So sweet, in fact, that I don't want to put her in her bed. I just want to hold and cuddle her, and hear her say, "night night, Mama" over and over again. It's much better than her other phrases. Like "A-choo Dada" (fake sneezing) and "I need Bobo!" (I Need Bobo is an amazing, cute book. That Gumball loves.)

Well, 2011 has been one hell of a year. I moved, bought a new house, got divorced. Gumball had a birthday. I made wonderful new friends. Apparently I lost some old friends too. It makes me so sad that some people I thought I was close to decided to end our friendship. Or didn't decide, exactly, but simply stopped returning my calls, texts, and emails. Lame. 2011 makes me wonder about people.

I hope 2012 is better. I hope I go on one date, at least. I hope I can lose some weight, get back on anti-anxiety medicine, and see more of my friends. Make it out to Seattle, Lakeville, Chicago, Atlanta, and Boston. To see all my friends who I miss so much. I hope Gumball's dad decides to be a positive and consistent figure in her life; or nothing at all. I can't wait to see how Gumball grows and changes. I am so excited to hear her new words and sentences.

So friends, Happy New Year. I wish you all a 2012 full of peace, love, joy, lots of free time, easy and rewarding weight-loss (or gain, if you're so inclined), delicious, home-cooked meals, socks always matching up after being dried, inexplicable yet arresting washboard abs, and good health.

I leave you all with this silly anecdote. I thought my window washer fluid in my car was low. So I forgot and forgot and eventually remembered to buy more. I wanted to fill the washer fluid tank, but I forgot how to open the hood of my car. (Don't judge 'til you have a baby, haters.) I read the manual. Filled the tank. Started the car. No washer fluid in the rear window. Then I pushed the lever back, instead of just twisting the lever-handle. Yup. It worked.

Moral: Having a baby makes you dumb. Really fucking dumb. It's amazing I still know how to breathe. That said, every day I learn more, remember more, and get a little more or myself back. Fuck you, 2011. I'm done with tears and doubt. Welcome, 2012.

What My Life is Like

I just got off the phone with my mom. She said that a friend of hers stopped by, and offered her some "beef or meat." She was, reasonably, confused.

Say it out loud.

Beef-or-meat. Beeformeat. BEAVER MEAT. O.M.G. Yup. Beaver meat. Someone offered my mom beaver meat.

And she took some!

Gah. Beaver meat doesn't really appeal to me. I'd try it though, just out of curiosity. I've had lots of different meats: venison, alligator, emu, llama, guinea pig, gosh I'm sure there must be more that I'm forgetting.

In other news, Gumball woke three times last night. She's sick. Stuffed up. I'm quite tired, and I feel really sorry for her. Can you even imagine a time before you knew how to blow your nose?

On a happy note, one of Gumball's still incubating, soon-to-be playmate, "Ruby," is now 24 weeks old. Grow, Ruby, grow!

Let's keep our fingers crossed for a decent night's sleep, for mama and baby.

Poop

How many times can my child poop in order to interrupt sleep? In one day, I mean.










Just guess.










No, really. I mean it. Guess.




















FOUR. 4. Yes, FOUR times. Plus, one non-sleep associated poop. WTH child? Hmmm...

In other news, Gumball loves prime rib. Christmas? Not so much. She likes opening her new tool box, and removing the tools, and then placing them directly where I might step. She also really enjoys rolling her new shopping cart around. Other than that- she hates her new babydolls, and other new gifts. So much so, that she's become reinvested in previously ignored birthday gifts. Gifts that she's played with twice in the past four months. She also really, really likes placing her shoes onto her toes. Just sort of propping them up. Ridiculous. Love her so much.

'Tis the Season

I just made two more batches of this:

OMGOMG YUM YUM YUM!
(Shan, please take note. So delicious, so easy.)

Things have been decent. Gumball has been talking up a storm. Some words are perfectly clear. Like: meat, juice, milk, duck, baby, Elmo. And some words are close enough: like Eeep (sheep). Now she also says: "nurt." Any guesses what that means?

I'll give you a clue. When I told my mom that Gumball was saying this, she said, "well, now it's probably time  to stop."

That's right. Gumball is saying "nurse." In January, we're going to go down to one nursing session a day. I'm sad about this. Sad, but ready to get back on medicine.

In January, I'm also going to bite the bullet and put up a dating profile on Match.com. Okcupid in Vermont? Not so great. Granted, I am writing one woman who I find quite intriguing. I have a feeling that she's put me into the dreaded friend zone. Still, I continue to write her, and will meet her when she's ready. Other than her, however, and perhaps including her, it seems like all the people I've communicated with are totally fucked up. I'm no prize, I suppose. Except I am! I still miss Gumball's dad, but I've been single for 15 months, and am open, and honest, and still have something left to give. Right? It seems like the broken, twisted, pathetic people I've "met" online are just careening from one hurt to another relationship. I write people, and they write back. We exchange lighthearted messages, and get to know each other, and then they disappear. My feelings get hurt. I'm tired of this.

So, yes, dating. I hope to do it in 2012. And nursing. I hope to stop before the baby can spell nurse.

In other news, it's almost Christmas. Nana, Gumball, Little Dada, and I went to see Santa this afternoon. Gumball wasn't having it. She hated that old man in a red suit as soon as she saw him. I'm glad we got the annual photo though. And I have to admit that I find photos of crying babies with Santa to be quite hilarious and at the same time, charming.

Here are our last year's photos, for those interested. My sweet, tiny, baby Gumball:

Merry Christmas everyone.

Sick Gumball

Gumball is sick. She slept til 9am this morning. A first. I assumed she was just tired, since she had a very active day yesterday, and didn't nap much. I was excited. I thought- oh yay! We'll get to have a good time at playgroup and maybe convince friends to come over or go out to lunch! Wheee! And then she coughed a couple of times, and started rolling around, so I went into her room to get her ready.

She didn't even look up when I came in. I opened the blinds, and she didn't move. I picked her up. She had vomited and it was dried n one side of the sheets. She was hot, burning hot, and limp. And quite unresponsive. My baby can't tolerate a poopy diaper. When she woke this morning, she had an old, poopy diaper. First time ever. She was completely out of it. I changed her, and brought her into bed with me to nurse. She nursed, and then fell asleep. When she woke up, I called her doctor. Love that practice. Such kind medical providers. Brought her to the doctor later in the morning. Viral infection. Clear ears, red throat. She slept on the way home (*this is the baby who slept for 30 mins on a 7 hour round-trip ride to Massachusetts.) Ate a little lunch. Napped for 2.5 hours (longest nap ever). Played, ate, and went to bed early.

What a nerve-wracking experience. I am so scared, and anxious. I hope my sweet, little 24lb Gumball is better in the morning.

Namas... What?

I've been a bad, bad blogger. Dude, Christmas is a lot of work. And I had a birthday.

Something funny happened last night. In Zumba. My lovely, thoughtful new friend A turned to me in the middle of an excruciating dance routine, and said, "namaste." Or that's what I thought I heard. And I was confused. My friends and I? We're not really the "namaste" sort of people. Even my three friends who teach yoga. We're more the "hey, what's up?" type of people. Or maybe the "pass me a slice of pizza" sorts. Anyhow, I lean in towards A, and say, "WHAT? Did you just say namaste?" And she said, "no. I said 'is class almost over?'" I still chuckle when I think about it.

So yeah. Like I said, I've been very busy. In part, because Gumball's nanny took a week off. Not for fun. She had car problems. But it's always hard to be without help in the evenings. We've also transitioned from two daily naps to one. Gumball was on a decent two-nap schedule, but little by little, each nap kept getting shorter and shorter. Two 45-minute naps a day were driving me nuts. These days, we are aiming for one 90-120 minute nap, in the middle of the day. I know this stuff is fascinating. Being a parent is hard. I agonized over this decision, and just want to do what is best for little Gumball. But there's no clear, black and white manual of how to raise baby, or how to maximize sleep, and naps, and to make sure she's always happy and successful. It's a lot of pressure.

In the past two weeks, I've done a lot, not just counting changing Gumball's nap schedule. I also got some help from Nana, and picked up a Christmas tree.

This year's tree theme: pink and silver. Yup. No men in this house.

It's also cold, finally. I'm not thrilled about the cold, but I also get to see this. Not sideways. Hmmm.

And here are some other photos I recently uploaded.

Gumball Hippo

First Art Project

Second Art Project- I didn't even help!

With Big Duck

Measuring the size of her own head

Christmas Photo: Attempt 200000000000000

As I mentioned before, I also had a birthday. I didn't manage to have a date before this birthday, which made me a little sad, but the birthday itself was so much more than I had hoped. The day of my birthday, I got my hair cut and colored. No more zebra stripes! Yay! And Nana watched Gumball, so she had fun too. I even got to go to the grocery store alone. It doesn't sound like much, but the cards, calls, texts (ugh, except for the one from Gumball's dad) made me really happy. And the 80-something messages and wall posts from friends on Facebook- made my day. And on Friday, all my new friends got together and threw me a birthday lunch party. We had lots of kids running around, lots of food, and it was amazing. It really meant a lot to me, and will hopefully mark the start of a year filled with happiness, peace and love. I am very grateful for these friends.

If You're Happy and You Know It...

I must be on a self-destructive streak. I am eating cheddar bunnies way past the point of serious heartburn. Not to mention that Gumball will kick my ass if they're all gone tomorrow. Baby _really_ loves her crackers these days. She'd cut a bitch for them.

So yeah. Went to MA. Saw my friend, missed her husband. Gumball vomited in the car, and I was so grateful for my mom's help. Other than vomiting, and refusing to sleep more than 30 minutes while in the car, Gumball did great. She slept through the night both nights, and went to sleep for bed and naps without a peep of complaint. The Kidco Peapod is an amazing creation. I wish I had one too, adult sized. I guess that's what tents are. Whatever. I want one. Yeah, and she only had to practice her (extensive) vocabulary once a night. While sleeping, I assume. Nothing like hearing, "kitty. meow. dog. Mia. Dia. Abbey. Nana. Titi. Mama. mum mum. moo. moo. etc" from a sleeping kid. She's so weird.

It was wonderful to see my friend. I missed her. I missed her grandkids, and her kids. It was terrific to see them. I really missed her husband though. I kept thinking of all the things he'd be raising hell about, if he were there. Like the Christmas decorations not being set up yet. He loves that hat-tipping snowman, and the Noel sign.

It felt unsettling to see my old house from the wrong side of the fence. It was as though a part of me could have still been living, in wedded bliss, with Gumball's dad. Going into the house, and seeing how abandoned it felt was heartbreaking. That house deserved more. I deserved more.

The trip was punctuated by constant singing. Nana thinks that singing helps the baby get smarter. I'm pretty sure that hours of "If You're Happy and You Know It" followed by "I've Been Working on the Railroad" followed by "You are my Sunshine" is not doing anything good for Gumball's brain.

It felt so good to be back where I know where to drive, where Mexican food is 10 minutes away, and where I run into people I know at Target. Yup. I miss Massachusetts. I wouldn't have moved home if I hadn't needed to. And being here is so good for Gumball, and for me. I'm just lonely here in VT, that's all. I think I'd be just as lonely in MA. But I'd have more company, probably.

Tonight, when I put Gumball to bed, I said, "Goodnight. Mama loves you, Gumball." When I was shutting the door, she yelled, "Night night, Dia."