Disclaimers

I want to say that writing this does mean that I think I know anything. On the contrary, it probably reveals my deepest weaknesses and inaccuracies. I accept that. The older I get, the less I know. I forgot the rules of capitalization a few years ago. I can't always remember when to use affect and effect. I usually try to avoid having to use either. I thought I knew a little about relationships. Not so. I know nothing about relationships. When the person you truly believe is your soulmate abandons you and the 4 week old daughter you so lovingly created, it really does something to the strength of your beliefs. I'm not sure what I believe in these days. I have hunches and sometimes I suspect things, but the certainty is gone. That's all I'm saying.


I know a tiny bit about adult nutrition. No, really, I do. I don't know much about baby nutrition, but I do want to share what little I have done. But again, a disclaimer. Since day 1 of solid foods, I've been making Gumball's food. Until about 3 weeks ago, she seemed to love it. Or, well, tolerate it. Then, all of a sudden any texture at all would make the baby gag, and vomit. As my friend D would say, there would be a failure to upload. Fucking hilarious. Anyhow, barfing up dinner means that Ratbaby doesn't sleep well. Ratbaby not sleeping well equals mama not sleeping well. So, yeah. Now she gets homemade, organic, gourmet baby food for breakfast and lunch. And jarred Earth's Best for dinner. It is what it is. I'm not thrilled, but I value the little rest I get. I assume I'll have a lifetime of cooking for the little grub.

Finally, yes, Easter was lovely. It was not without humor though. The baby got an interesting gift from her Nana. A friend commented that it was "every girl's Easter wish." Indeed.

A toddler-sized metal rat. With eye-skewering whiskers. Happy Easter!

Baby Food

One of the reasons I wanted to start a blog, aside from sharing photos of my lovely and intelligent infant, was to share my experiences in baby food making. I hadn't given much thought to what I would feed the baby, but when she was 5 1/2 months old, it was really cold and snowy out, so I decided to start feeding her "solids."

I say "solids" because what I fed her was so thinned out, it was more like liquid. She had rice cereal for 3 days, and mostly it just drooled out of her mouth like the soup it was. She didn't really know how to swallow, so that was fine. She ate enough to become very gassy, so I moved on to squash. Mostly because that's what I had in the house. I had a squash, so I baked it. 375 degrees, for an hour, with a little bit of water in the squash cavity. When it was done, I scooped it out of the shell with a spoon, mashed it with a fork, and froze little plops of it on a cookie tin in the freezer. When frozen, I transferred it to a ziplock baggie. Once a day, I'd take out a little ball of squash, thin it down to the consistency of water with breast milk, and trickle it into Baby's mouth. She seemed to like it. Sort of.

Then I moved on to avocado and banana. To this day those two foods are a staple of the baby's diet. They're simple to prepare, and good for her. I'm low tech when it comes to avocado and banana. So much so, it almost seems like more effort to write about than to do.

Avocado
- Buy avocados. Usually they're hard. Store in cool, dry location until soft but not mushy.
- Cut wedge of avocado, about the size you think your baby will eat. Gumball usually eats about 1/4 to 1/6 of an avocado (but I usually mix it with banana).
- Peel avocado
- Here's the hard part. Mush the avocado through a strainer. I use the back of a spoon. It takes 20 seconds.
- Thin with breast milk or formula or water.

I wrap the remaining avocado (with pit in place) in a sheet of saran wrap. Sometimes the outer portions turn brown. So I cut them off and eat them, and give the baby the green parts.

Banana
- Buy bananas
- Cut the size you think your baby will eat. Gumball usually eats about 2 or 3 inches, but then again, I usually mix it with avocado.
- Mush the banana through a strainer.
- Thin with breast milk, formula, or water.

As I mentioned, I usually combine avocado and banana for Baby's breakfast. I add in some organic multigrain baby cereal, and I use breast milk. She loves it.

Easter

We had a wonderful week of Easter celebrations. Moving has been bittersweet. I miss nursing school, and my friends. My future feels uncertain. I no longer have any sort of plan, beyond trying to be the best parent I can be. It's terrifying. I miss what I thought my life was going to be. On the other hand, I feel so lucky to have re-kindled my longest friendship ever, and to have met someone who I am sure is going to become a lifelong friend. And their kids will go to school with Gumball. How awesome is this for her? Having friends from (almost) birth? Since my ex and most of his family have chosen to not participate in Gumball's life, it has been a constant source of pain that I have done such a poor job in providing her with a family. I feel that moving back home will give Gumball a family of extended friends.

I digress. We had a great Easter week with some of our new, and old friends.

The baby doesn't even cry anymore when she sees other babies. This is a very good thing. There's nothing like having a child so under-socialized that she cries when she sees other babies.


This photo is from a little get-together we had- dying eggs (my mom to my friend E: "Oh, too bad your egg turned out that way") and eating. D spent some time teaching the babes to clap. Needless to say, I practiced clapping for moths, with no results. D clapped twice, and Gumball was clapping. Now she claps all the time: when I say "good job" or sing "If You're Happy and You Know It," and sometimes, if I'm lucky, during middle of the night diaper changes. I am *that* lucky. Anyhow, here is D conducting clapping lessons.

I love that Gumball is totally focused, while her friend, L, is like "hey... her legs are white. Whats up with that?"

These festivities were a full week before Easter. On Easter day, we went to D's house for her annual girls only tea party, and then to Nana's house.

So yeah. Things are good. I feel blessed. Happy Easter.

Just Another Effing Growth Experience

A long time ago, in a land far, far away (no, really- I'm talking about Bolivia), a good friend of mine told me that hard times in life are "just another fucking growth experience." I'm still waiting for the effing growth to stop. Both literally and figuratively. My pre-pregnancy jeans don't fit the same way anymore, and I'm waiting for this hellacious period of personal growth to subside. The growing pains have been quite intense.

Nevertheless, here I am, starting a blog. I've never had less to say, or more.

So, let's establish a few ground rules.  I promise to not write exclusively about the baby. I will write mostly about the baby, but not entirely. I will keep this up-to-date. Mostly. As much as a single mom can. I won't complain too much, but I will be truthful.

In case you haven't tuned in lately, there have been some major changes in my life. I got married, I got pregnant (yes, in that order,) I discovered that the person I thought was my soul mate wasn't, I became a single mom, I survived. I continue to survive. I don't always feel like it, but I keep on keeping on, for the little 18 pound lady who rules my life with an iron fist, and who gives me a reason to keep on trying. Maybe someday I will get it right.

I'm going to take a cue from a friend who blogs, and not mention the sweet baby's real name. She has 100's of nicknames, from: chicken legs, rat baby, gumball and goober. I figure she can start her own blog when she wants to, but I will try to preserve some of her privacy. She is the best thing in the world. At 8 months, she has such an intense personality, it amazes me. I had no idea babies were like little adults. She adores the cat, Pumpkin. She cries when people laugh loudly. She practices new skills relentlessly. Now it's clapping. I say "good job!" and she claps and smiles. She studies her toys and either pats them or shakes them. Little ratbaby is totally into percussion. 

Being a mom has been a crazy trip so far.

Not to elicit any "Baby Boom" comparisons (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092605/) but another reason I wanted to write this journal is to share the recipes for the amazing baby food I've been creating. Making baby food isn't something I had thought about doing, but as it turns out, I really enjoy it. Gumball has different ideas about the food I make, but tough. Mama knows best.