Nearly two and a half years old is a magical age. If I ignore the miserable sleeping, night wakings, and refusal to nap, that is. When not strung out from being over-tired, my little Gumball is such a delight. She talks, has opinions, makes jokes, and vigorously loves our poor cat, Pumpkin, thoroughly.
She occasionally wants me to call her "Betsey" after a girl in one of her Curious George books.
She pairs all toys and animals up into "mama and baby" sets. Including, but not limited to: mama and baby rocks, mama and baby pieces of string cheese, and mama and baby Curious George stuffed animals.
The other day, when she was eating toast, she held her bitten piece up to me, and said, "Look, Mama. A dog." And the bitten piece of toast actually looked exactly like a dog.
She has started coloring deliberately- eyes are one color, flowers are one color, and there are lots of circles. Recently she colored in many circles in different colors, and told me that they were "people's eyes."
Any doll with fake hair goes immediately into time out: in the sink, in one of her shoes, or on the other side of the gate. She shrieks when she sees that I've returned them to her toy bins, and giddily returns them to their time out locations.
Everything she says has a strong Boston accent.
Her favorite song of the moment is "Little Drummer Boy." Which she calls "So to Honor Him." I am hoping, fervently, that we aren't continuing to sing Christmas carols into the spring.
She thinks every box is a "pendent" (present) for her.
She still pronounces her own name as "Yaya."
She is starting to get good at hugging with her arms and kissing with her lips. As opposed to air kissing and air hugging. All while saying "huuuuuuuggggg" and "kiss."
My kid is awesome, and I can't imagine loving anyone more than I love her.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Catch-up, or Not Quite
I am behind. Christmas threw me for a loop, with the incessant singing of Christmas carols and making merry. I was overjoyed to be celebrating with my loved ones, thrilled to have a full house, and feeling the giddy, euphoric, terrifying stirrings of real, true, deep... "romantic feelings."
(Please note: not love. Romantic feelings. NOT love. I refuse to allow myself to go that far. But... romantic feelings that I could not repress, that were spilling out of my mouth, and seeping from my pores.)
Two weeks ago, I thought about writing about how happy I was. Gumball has been incredibly sweet, and delightful. Funny, precious, charming, and kind of insane. My romance was going really well. I felt special, valued, and brimming over with feelings.
Since then, he's become distant. No explanation.
There's no more bubbling euphoria.
I'll give this gentle, passionate, humble, but masterful man some time to get his head out of his ass. It's hard to wait, not knowing if he's just done with me, or if he's dealing with his own issues and needs time. I'm just feeling a little sad, and deflated. Am I always going to be alone?
To end on a positive note, I've now lost 16 pounds since starting my diet. My goal is to lose 25 more, and exchange the label "obese" for simply "large."
(Please note: not love. Romantic feelings. NOT love. I refuse to allow myself to go that far. But... romantic feelings that I could not repress, that were spilling out of my mouth, and seeping from my pores.)
Two weeks ago, I thought about writing about how happy I was. Gumball has been incredibly sweet, and delightful. Funny, precious, charming, and kind of insane. My romance was going really well. I felt special, valued, and brimming over with feelings.
Since then, he's become distant. No explanation.
There's no more bubbling euphoria.
I'll give this gentle, passionate, humble, but masterful man some time to get his head out of his ass. It's hard to wait, not knowing if he's just done with me, or if he's dealing with his own issues and needs time. I'm just feeling a little sad, and deflated. Am I always going to be alone?
To end on a positive note, I've now lost 16 pounds since starting my diet. My goal is to lose 25 more, and exchange the label "obese" for simply "large."
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Le Sigh
38 has been a wonderful age so far. I feel blessed, beyond measure. My friends, family, Gumball- are all wonderful. Perfect. I don't need anything else.
But... I don't want to jinx myself, or rush anything, or do any of the other foolish activities that I tend to partake in, but it's true. I have feelings for someone. He doesn't need me to protect him, take care of him, or, in fact, do anything for him. Which makes me want to do things for him. I want to cuddle the heck out of him! He's thoughtful, sweet, and fair, and his intelligence, experience, self-control, and toughness keep me on my toes. Sigh. I am trying hard to not mess this up, or to lose myself in feelings. We've been seeing each other usually twice a week, for over a month now, and OMG. Feelings! I am full of them!
(Must remember to be authentically myself and to take this slowly. Also- MUST remember that actions and words must be weighed carefully.)
But... I don't want to jinx myself, or rush anything, or do any of the other foolish activities that I tend to partake in, but it's true. I have feelings for someone. He doesn't need me to protect him, take care of him, or, in fact, do anything for him. Which makes me want to do things for him. I want to cuddle the heck out of him! He's thoughtful, sweet, and fair, and his intelligence, experience, self-control, and toughness keep me on my toes. Sigh. I am trying hard to not mess this up, or to lose myself in feelings. We've been seeing each other usually twice a week, for over a month now, and OMG. Feelings! I am full of them!
(Must remember to be authentically myself and to take this slowly. Also- MUST remember that actions and words must be weighed carefully.)
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Gratitude
I've noticed many friends on Facebook posting daily gratitude status updates. Which, ordinarily, would be something that I would mock. Not so gently. Posting a daily status update about how lucky I am, and how awesome my life is, is just not my thing.
I have a lot to be grateful for this year, however.
It may not be a daily status update, but in honor of November, I am going to write 30 things/people/experiences that I am grateful for, in no particular order.
1. I am grateful for my little Gumball's dad. I still kind of want him to choke on a grape, but I recognize that without him, I would not have my precious baby. I am profoundly grateful for the good we experienced in our relationship, and for the gift he gave me in allowing me to have sole, uncontested custody of our child.
2. I am grateful for my mom. She saved my life when I thought I would never be happy again. She pushes me, challenges me, annoys me, and helps me constantly. The love I have for my mom and my daughter are the deepest, strongest loves anyone could ever experience.
3. I am grateful for my daughter. My sweet, tender, beautiful, smart, challenging, Gumball. I would do anything to protect her, and would gladly lay down my life to save hers. She is so sweet and loving, and I look forward to our future together.
A Gumball anecdote. She doesn't want to nap these days. I put her in her crib, and she plays. Sometimes for up to 2 hours. Then she starts whining. When she whines, I either bring her into bed with me, or just get her up, and forgo nap. Today, I brought her into bed with me. I cuddled with her for a few moments, and tried to encourage her to sleep by pretending to sleep. It didn't work. But she took the opportunity to gently stroke my face, and kiss me. It was incredibly sweet. Then she started licking my cheek, and I had to roll over. She then curled up against my back, and fell asleep. The sweetness of these moments makes my heart ache. Minus the cheek licking. Ick.
4. I am grateful for the heated seats in my awesome car.
5. I am grateful for my friends. The old friends, like Steph, Court, Sherl, Moon, Lori, Jeannie, Donna, and Miguel- who all managed to visit me in my new, remote home. Visits make my house feel like my own. Jen and Kirsten, who are so good at staying in touch, and who fill me with love, gossip, and delicious snack ideas.
And my new friends. Dia, who isn't new, Abbey, Emilie, and Clarina. They rebuilt me. With them, I experience joy. We laugh, eat, gossip, and parent. The support and love they give me has literally renewed my faith in people. They are so kind, irreverent, and generous. They make my unexpected and shame-filled return to VT worthwhile.
6. I am grateful to be able to stay home with my Gumball for so long, and not agonize about money.
7. I am grateful for the family that rents my unsellable house in MA. I never worry about my house with them living there.
8. I am grateful for my favorite foods and the ability to cook them.
9. I am grateful Obama was reelected.
10. I am grateful for my former mother in law. Gumball's paternal grandmother. She has been consistently present and positive in Gumball's life, which means the world to me. I love her dearly, and am especially grateful that she told me that Gumball's dad is now super fat. Yay!
11. I'm grateful November doesn't have 31 days.
12. I'm grateful for my loving kitty, Pumpkin. He has the patience of a saint with Gumball, and allows her to drape him with necklaces and blankets constantly.
13. I'm grateful for my own strength, resilience, and capacity to love and be happy again.
14. I'm grateful for warm slippers.
15. I'm grateful for frivolous interests, like nail polish.
16. I am grateful for my general good health. For my strong body.
17. I am profoundly grateful for every morning I wake up, and get to experience my life.
18. I am grateful for the new friends I have yet to meet, and the old friends who are no longer active in my life.
19. I am grateful for passion, love, sex, and dirty talk.
20. I am grateful for crusty bread and soft cheeses.
21. I am grateful for the many people who reached out to me when I was at my lowest: Kim, Meredith, Jen, Lori, Jeannie, Dia... and others. I am profoundly grateful to them.
(Is it sad that I think 21 may be the limit of my gratitude?)
Yeah, I'm done. For now anyhow.
I have a lot to be grateful for this year, however.
It may not be a daily status update, but in honor of November, I am going to write 30 things/people/experiences that I am grateful for, in no particular order.
1. I am grateful for my little Gumball's dad. I still kind of want him to choke on a grape, but I recognize that without him, I would not have my precious baby. I am profoundly grateful for the good we experienced in our relationship, and for the gift he gave me in allowing me to have sole, uncontested custody of our child.
2. I am grateful for my mom. She saved my life when I thought I would never be happy again. She pushes me, challenges me, annoys me, and helps me constantly. The love I have for my mom and my daughter are the deepest, strongest loves anyone could ever experience.
3. I am grateful for my daughter. My sweet, tender, beautiful, smart, challenging, Gumball. I would do anything to protect her, and would gladly lay down my life to save hers. She is so sweet and loving, and I look forward to our future together.
A Gumball anecdote. She doesn't want to nap these days. I put her in her crib, and she plays. Sometimes for up to 2 hours. Then she starts whining. When she whines, I either bring her into bed with me, or just get her up, and forgo nap. Today, I brought her into bed with me. I cuddled with her for a few moments, and tried to encourage her to sleep by pretending to sleep. It didn't work. But she took the opportunity to gently stroke my face, and kiss me. It was incredibly sweet. Then she started licking my cheek, and I had to roll over. She then curled up against my back, and fell asleep. The sweetness of these moments makes my heart ache. Minus the cheek licking. Ick.
4. I am grateful for the heated seats in my awesome car.
5. I am grateful for my friends. The old friends, like Steph, Court, Sherl, Moon, Lori, Jeannie, Donna, and Miguel- who all managed to visit me in my new, remote home. Visits make my house feel like my own. Jen and Kirsten, who are so good at staying in touch, and who fill me with love, gossip, and delicious snack ideas.
And my new friends. Dia, who isn't new, Abbey, Emilie, and Clarina. They rebuilt me. With them, I experience joy. We laugh, eat, gossip, and parent. The support and love they give me has literally renewed my faith in people. They are so kind, irreverent, and generous. They make my unexpected and shame-filled return to VT worthwhile.
6. I am grateful to be able to stay home with my Gumball for so long, and not agonize about money.
7. I am grateful for the family that rents my unsellable house in MA. I never worry about my house with them living there.
8. I am grateful for my favorite foods and the ability to cook them.
9. I am grateful Obama was reelected.
10. I am grateful for my former mother in law. Gumball's paternal grandmother. She has been consistently present and positive in Gumball's life, which means the world to me. I love her dearly, and am especially grateful that she told me that Gumball's dad is now super fat. Yay!
11. I'm grateful November doesn't have 31 days.
12. I'm grateful for my loving kitty, Pumpkin. He has the patience of a saint with Gumball, and allows her to drape him with necklaces and blankets constantly.
13. I'm grateful for my own strength, resilience, and capacity to love and be happy again.
14. I'm grateful for warm slippers.
15. I'm grateful for frivolous interests, like nail polish.
16. I am grateful for my general good health. For my strong body.
17. I am profoundly grateful for every morning I wake up, and get to experience my life.
18. I am grateful for the new friends I have yet to meet, and the old friends who are no longer active in my life.
19. I am grateful for passion, love, sex, and dirty talk.
20. I am grateful for crusty bread and soft cheeses.
21. I am grateful for the many people who reached out to me when I was at my lowest: Kim, Meredith, Jen, Lori, Jeannie, Dia... and others. I am profoundly grateful to them.
(Is it sad that I think 21 may be the limit of my gratitude?)
Yeah, I'm done. For now anyhow.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Tissue
WTF are my recycled tissues made from? Recycled sandpaper? Recycled gravel?
My nose hurts and I am tired of having a cold.
That's all.
My nose hurts and I am tired of having a cold.
That's all.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Weighty Matters
I've always thought I was fat. Now that I am actually really and truly fat, I wish I was the size I was when I thought I was fat, about 50lbs ago.
That said, I've now lost 13 lbs. The 3 from New Orleans, and 10 additional lbs. I'd be overjoyed if I could lose about 35 lbs more. Then I would be simply fat, and not FAT. That would be cool.
Next thing you know, I'll be strutting around in skinny jeans.
No, no I will not. Skinny jeans suck.
That said, I've now lost 13 lbs. The 3 from New Orleans, and 10 additional lbs. I'd be overjoyed if I could lose about 35 lbs more. Then I would be simply fat, and not FAT. That would be cool.
Next thing you know, I'll be strutting around in skinny jeans.
No, no I will not. Skinny jeans suck.
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