Reality Check

Lest anyone think that I am entirely full of sunshine and light, let me share a _delightful_ occurrence.

Gumball hadn't pooped all day, and when I put her to bed, I fully anticipated having to return to change a diaper. I arrived to an unpleasant smell, and when I asked Gumball if she had pooped, she whispered "yeahhhh." I was not anticipating that she would hand me her diaper when I came over to her crib, and that I would find myself stepping on a million little rabbit turds. Baby Gumball rabbit turds. I turned on the light. Hundreds of turds. On the bed, on the floor. Awesome. Thanks, Gumball.

Hot, Hot, Hot Summer

Things have been wonderful. I spend as many days as possible at Lake Iroquois. My little Gumball loves going. She splashes, plays with "Water Baby" (a babydoll that can go into the water) and Monkey (one of four stuffed monkeys that are not intended to be water toys.) We splash and play, and I'm more tan than I've been in years. Gumball's racial and ethnic background (1/4 black, 1/4 Puerto Rican, and 1/2 assorted white) is showing though: her coloring ranges from cafe au lait (face), to coffee with a dash of cream (feet), despite religious sunscreen application. Being out on the lake, in the sun, playing with a mostly joyous toddler, chatting with random moms- is bliss. We've been picnicking too, and good food makes all outings more fun.

When we're not at the lake, we visit playgrounds, play with friends, splash in the water table out back, and play endlessly with babies, monkeys, and blocks.

Summer has been so delightful. I'm still just trying to take things one day at a time.

Love

I thought I would never again have the luxury of falling in love. To be happy, moderately well-rested, semi anxiety free, and falling deeply in love in perfectly beautiful Vermont summer weather is awe-inspiring and wonderful.  "Wonderful" in the real sense of the word, as in full of wonder, and not just a pleasant, and positive emotion. It is new, delicate, tender and intense. And of course, terrifying. 

I still feel like I'm holding back. Having so recently been so broken-hearted that I thought I'd never be able to love anyone other than my dear friends and lovely Gumball, this fresh bloom of emotion makes me experience crazy extremes: love, fear, anger, joy, tenderness and sullen confusion. I often think that E. deserves more. More fun, more careless laughter, more unguarded affection. Less toddler-manipulated scheduling, fewer play dates, dinners later than 5:30pm.

She is so sweet to me, and kind. Lovely and generous. Gentle, sweet, thoughtful. Even better, she is unbelievably kind to my Gumball. Talks to her, plays with her, is loving and affectionate to her, and spends as much time as I do hunting down Monkey, and Baby. Every single time she offers Gumball her water, or gives her a bite of muffin ("mutton"), or tries to make her laugh, my heart melts. Melts.