My kid sings all the time. Even, as it turns out, in her sleep. I just heard her through the monitor, singing Old MacDonald's Farm. She doesn't know all the words, but she knows the tune, and the EIEIO. She suggests animals too.
She also knows:
- Ring around the rosie
- Are you sleeping
- Row row row your boat
- Rockabye baby
- ABC
- Wheels on the bus
These days, every night, when I put her to bed, I sing Twinkle Twinkle, and Rockabye Baby. It's very sweet. She leans against my face, and we cuddle. When I finish Twinkle Twinkle, she demands Rockabye Baby. But when I start singing it, she begs for Old MacDonald's Farm. No way. That song is not relaxing at all.
Edited to add:
-If you're happy and you know it
-This old man
-Twinkle twinkle
- Old MacDonald's farm
Monday, February 27, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
Lucky
There's no question that I've been very unlucky in love. I've made choices that have nearly killed me; gone all-in on bets that just didn't pan out. I believed my heart, and the empty words I heard, when I should have paid attention to the actions I observed. I wanted a family so badly that I would have done anything to have one. Lots of mistakes, but one delightful outcome. My little Gumball.
One thing, however, is true. I am extraordinarily lucky to have my friends. I might not be the best at choosing partners, but I _am_ generally very good at picking friends. I am constantly grateful to my oldest friend, for her love and support. She offered me a lifeline when I most needed one, and is so smart, generous and perceptive. And funny as could be. I just can't mention friends without mentioning her. And my newest friends... such lovely, beautiful people. On the inside and out.
Seriously, I have the best friends ever. I went to my dear friend's baby shower, and got to see some of my core ladies. I left Gumball with my mom, and spent 3 days and 2 nights with my friends. I never thought this would happen. Don't misunderstand me. My mom is a huge help. But she gets stir crazy after watching the baby for an hour. Not to mention that my little Gumball is a firecracker, and a handful. But- Nana to the rescue! Nana in charge! I hopped on a plane and spent time with some of the most amazing women around.
The trip might sound less than thrilling to anyone who doesn't spend 18 hours a day alone, or with a toddler. To me, it was invigorating, rejuvenating, and so much fun. We went shopping. I got new bras, after 18 months of breastfeeding! First new bras in over 5 years. Wahoo! I ate in a restaurant and didn't have to cut up anyone's food! I had a beer with my meals! I stayed up late talking, and slept in (sort of)! I didn't have to wipe any butts, other than my own! I saw a play! I finished (most of) my sentences!
The true pleasure, for me, was twofold. I didn't have to think out every second of my day, and plan and worry about everything. The burden of worry and the pressure to do the best I can, is often crushing. But- more importantly, I got to be with my ladies. Being with people who care about me, talking to these smart, fun, generous, thoughtful women was such a blast. Celebrating their pregnancies meant so much to me. Hearing about their lives and jobs and husbands and kids was wonderful. Their happiness makes me happy.
To be completely honest, I did have a few moments when I felt sad. One of the ladies wasn't able to come. She was missed. Her absence was strongly felt, and I just kept expecting to see her in the next room. I really wish she had been able to come. The other nagging pangs I felt were fleeting, and minor, little threads of humiliation and jealousy. The last time I saw these women, was right after I got married, at my dear friend's wedding. I was pregnant and so happy and in love. Full of life, love, and hope. Emotionally, I'm just a fragment of that person now. And jealousy. I'm jealous of anyone who goes home to loving arms. I miss that. It's ok though. I'd rather be alone with my sweet Gumball, than unhappily married.
One thing, however, is true. I am extraordinarily lucky to have my friends. I might not be the best at choosing partners, but I _am_ generally very good at picking friends. I am constantly grateful to my oldest friend, for her love and support. She offered me a lifeline when I most needed one, and is so smart, generous and perceptive. And funny as could be. I just can't mention friends without mentioning her. And my newest friends... such lovely, beautiful people. On the inside and out.
Seriously, I have the best friends ever. I went to my dear friend's baby shower, and got to see some of my core ladies. I left Gumball with my mom, and spent 3 days and 2 nights with my friends. I never thought this would happen. Don't misunderstand me. My mom is a huge help. But she gets stir crazy after watching the baby for an hour. Not to mention that my little Gumball is a firecracker, and a handful. But- Nana to the rescue! Nana in charge! I hopped on a plane and spent time with some of the most amazing women around.
The trip might sound less than thrilling to anyone who doesn't spend 18 hours a day alone, or with a toddler. To me, it was invigorating, rejuvenating, and so much fun. We went shopping. I got new bras, after 18 months of breastfeeding! First new bras in over 5 years. Wahoo! I ate in a restaurant and didn't have to cut up anyone's food! I had a beer with my meals! I stayed up late talking, and slept in (sort of)! I didn't have to wipe any butts, other than my own! I saw a play! I finished (most of) my sentences!
The true pleasure, for me, was twofold. I didn't have to think out every second of my day, and plan and worry about everything. The burden of worry and the pressure to do the best I can, is often crushing. But- more importantly, I got to be with my ladies. Being with people who care about me, talking to these smart, fun, generous, thoughtful women was such a blast. Celebrating their pregnancies meant so much to me. Hearing about their lives and jobs and husbands and kids was wonderful. Their happiness makes me happy.
To be completely honest, I did have a few moments when I felt sad. One of the ladies wasn't able to come. She was missed. Her absence was strongly felt, and I just kept expecting to see her in the next room. I really wish she had been able to come. The other nagging pangs I felt were fleeting, and minor, little threads of humiliation and jealousy. The last time I saw these women, was right after I got married, at my dear friend's wedding. I was pregnant and so happy and in love. Full of life, love, and hope. Emotionally, I'm just a fragment of that person now. And jealousy. I'm jealous of anyone who goes home to loving arms. I miss that. It's ok though. I'd rather be alone with my sweet Gumball, than unhappily married.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Valentine's Day 2012
I gave myself quite a pep talk about today. Instead of reacting to an artificial, consumer-driven "holiday" I wanted to reflect on what happened one year ago today. It was a pivotal moment in my life. I closed on my house in VT one year ago today. Isn't this what everyone does when their so-called Valentine breaks their heart? Buys a house? Ha ha. I should frame this differently. A year ago today I got even more in debt. Whee!
Moving to VT has been bittersweet. I love my new friends. Such an amazing community of friends. I miss my MA friends too, though. I miss being with people who knew me when I had a functional brain, and when I was able to be myself without always worrying about and being attuned to Gumball.
I like to memorialize special events in my life. I'm not very good at remembering dates, however. Makes any sort of memorialization kind of difficult. Let's be fully honest. I can't remember when I got married, either time. I never remember when Easter occurs.
Valentine's Day is such a charged holiday. Despite having been married for (hmmm, thinking, calculating, etc) 8 or 9 years, total, I can't remember having had any spectacular romantic festivities. At age 37, I guess I'm ok with this. When I was in high school, I tried to jump over a mud puddle on one Valentine's Day. I slipped on some ice, and fell, backwards, into the puddle. This exemplifies Valentine's Day for me.
It was hard to not feel even a little bit sorry for myself today, especially when other moms at playgroup were talking about their evening plans. I might have slipped into a funk of sadness this afternoon, when I was home, alone with my Gumball. It's even harder to feel sorry for myself when I know how miserably my former stepsons are doing. While I'm researching fancy, expensive private preschools for Gumball, the boys who called me "Mom" are living in a $40 a night hotel. I make Gumball lamb chops at least once a month, spinach cake muffins, and salmon. She gets probiotics in her milk, Vitamin D occasionally, and flax seed/avocado/fruit mush every morning for breakfast. What do my boys even eat, living in a hotel? This is something to be sad about. My boys lost all their stuff, when my ex lost their home, and then lost the trailer they moved into, and then refused to let them take anything with them. DSS was even called.
I would adopt these boys in one hot second, if I could. I'm not a great mom, but I try my best. I try really hard to always respect Gumball's wants and needs, and to provide her with a safe, healthy environment, where she can grow and develop at her own pace. I might not be the most fun, or the most playful, or the most creative. But I do my best. I really wish I could provide my former stepsons with the love, support, and stability that they desperately need. This breaks my heart. And not because I didn't get a card or flowers or whatever.
Moving to VT has been bittersweet. I love my new friends. Such an amazing community of friends. I miss my MA friends too, though. I miss being with people who knew me when I had a functional brain, and when I was able to be myself without always worrying about and being attuned to Gumball.
I like to memorialize special events in my life. I'm not very good at remembering dates, however. Makes any sort of memorialization kind of difficult. Let's be fully honest. I can't remember when I got married, either time. I never remember when Easter occurs.
Valentine's Day is such a charged holiday. Despite having been married for (hmmm, thinking, calculating, etc) 8 or 9 years, total, I can't remember having had any spectacular romantic festivities. At age 37, I guess I'm ok with this. When I was in high school, I tried to jump over a mud puddle on one Valentine's Day. I slipped on some ice, and fell, backwards, into the puddle. This exemplifies Valentine's Day for me.
It was hard to not feel even a little bit sorry for myself today, especially when other moms at playgroup were talking about their evening plans. I might have slipped into a funk of sadness this afternoon, when I was home, alone with my Gumball. It's even harder to feel sorry for myself when I know how miserably my former stepsons are doing. While I'm researching fancy, expensive private preschools for Gumball, the boys who called me "Mom" are living in a $40 a night hotel. I make Gumball lamb chops at least once a month, spinach cake muffins, and salmon. She gets probiotics in her milk, Vitamin D occasionally, and flax seed/avocado/fruit mush every morning for breakfast. What do my boys even eat, living in a hotel? This is something to be sad about. My boys lost all their stuff, when my ex lost their home, and then lost the trailer they moved into, and then refused to let them take anything with them. DSS was even called.
I would adopt these boys in one hot second, if I could. I'm not a great mom, but I try my best. I try really hard to always respect Gumball's wants and needs, and to provide her with a safe, healthy environment, where she can grow and develop at her own pace. I might not be the most fun, or the most playful, or the most creative. But I do my best. I really wish I could provide my former stepsons with the love, support, and stability that they desperately need. This breaks my heart. And not because I didn't get a card or flowers or whatever.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Good News
Mom's results came back today. No tumor, no cancer. There's something asymmetrical about her diaphragm, and she needs to consult with a pulmonologist. PHEW!
Everything else pales in comparison.
Everything else pales in comparison.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Bragging About my Kid
Gumball is amazing.
Now that that has been clarified, let me explain why she's so awesome. She's almost 18 months old now, right? Talking up an absolute storm. I will now try to list all the word she's saying. I'm probably forgetting a bunch.
Animals:
Foods:
Freaking musical genius here!
Oh yes. And she can count to two!
Almost 18 months is a lot of fun. I'm particularly exuberant bc she's slept late 3 days in a row. Today I had to wake her at 8:15am so we could make it to music class.
Still waiting on Mom's results. Keeping all fingers and toes crossed.
Edited to add...
I forgot a bunch:
Now that that has been clarified, let me explain why she's so awesome. She's almost 18 months old now, right? Talking up an absolute storm. I will now try to list all the word she's saying. I'm probably forgetting a bunch.
Animals:
- Kitty
- Kitty cat
- Cat
- Dog
- Duck
- Snake
- Bat
- Hippo
- Pig
- Chicken
- Monkey
- Turtle
- Sheep
- Goat
- Donkey
- Bunny
Foods:
- Cheese
- Meat
- Broccoli (this is anything green, including both broccoli, and green cupcakes)
- Cake
- Cookie (this is what I call soft granola bars)
- Mum-mum
- Tato (potato)
- Fruit
- Apple (not like she'll eat them, but whatever)
- Milk
- Juice
- Water
- Beans
- Head (still calls this "hat")
- Neck
- Mouth
- Eye
- Nose
- Eyeball
- Belly
- Belly button (when she sees mine, she screams with laughter. So do I, as it turns out)
- Arm
- Knee
- Comb
- Brush
- Diaper
- Cream
- Shoe (pronounced "Ouuuu")
- Sock ("Ock")
- Hat
- Ball ("Baa-eee")
- Bear ("Bel")
- Book
- Night night
- Bye
- I need Bobo
- Duck book
- Mama potty
- Boot
- Shoe
- Phone
- Row, Row, Row Your Boat
- Baa, Baa Black Sheep
- ABCD
- Are You Sleeping
- Tick, Tock
- Open, Shut Them
Freaking musical genius here!
Oh yes. And she can count to two!
Almost 18 months is a lot of fun. I'm particularly exuberant bc she's slept late 3 days in a row. Today I had to wake her at 8:15am so we could make it to music class.
Still waiting on Mom's results. Keeping all fingers and toes crossed.
Edited to add...
I forgot a bunch:
- Owl
- Running
- Jump
- Up (means both down and up)
- Down (means nothing)
- No
- No Way
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